Monster that never was

Monster that never was

I am a monster that never was

They fear me because of my frown

Maybe the deep anger shines through

To my face

Anger from many years

Of Poverty

Of Frustration

Of untold Truths

They fear what they don’t see

For a smile is hardly my thing

The monster that never was

Feared by everyone

Yet a gentle fearful soul

Yes I am fragile

Beyond words or reason

Yes I crumble sometimes

Yes I fear the unknown

Yet my mask stays on

I am the monster that never was

They see it

They fear me

They fear my size

They fear my anger

I fear me too sometimes

The person they have blown me up to be

I fear what I am

The Legend they have created

The powerful, fearless person

With no limits and no worries.

I sometimes hide when I am alone

By being alone

I relish in my own image

I lather in who I see

Yet these are seldom

And far between

Poisining pain

Poisoning pain

Mercy be mine

Victory let me enjoy

From the clutches

The choking, deathening embrace of pain.

The coldness

The never ending torture

Of myself to myself

For allowing pain to consume me

To embrace and love me.

To let my hurt

Be poisoned by an endless,

Merciless, unfeeling pain.

To walk crippled by it

Bending as though the

A century had passed in my existence.

Crumbling to the ground

Clutching at it as though touchable.

Though it feels so, it never is

Pain of my own doing

Bigger and Stronger and Fiercer

Than any other

Pain of my intellect

Pain like no other

Deep within

Shhhhhhh

Shhhhhhh….

Secret smiles

Little giggles

Shh

Whispered halo’s

Secret of secrets

Secret lies

Huge frowns

Shhh

Stretched truths

Secrets of all

Secret dreams

Worlds so dark

Shhhh

Mountains unmovable

Secret wishes

Secret longings

Shhhhh

Don’t mention

All that is mine

Secret of secrets

Who am I?

Who am I?

I am black

So I have been told

And I can see

I go to a white school

So they say

So I see

I know nothing about my culture

So they see

So I know

I have a diploma in the white culture

So they see

So I know.

Who am I?

Joseph

JOSEPH

My BASI called me the wrong name yesterday

He never cared much who I was

He commanded and expected submission

I hated the name Joseph

My name is Nkosinathi- the Lord is with us

But silence was also my middle name

Cause poverty was my surname

So my name is Joseph.