Poisining pain

Poisoning pain

Mercy be mine

Victory let me enjoy

From the clutches

The choking, deathening embrace of pain.

The coldness

The never ending torture

Of myself to myself

For allowing pain to consume me

To embrace and love me.

To let my hurt

Be poisoned by an endless,

Merciless, unfeeling pain.

To walk crippled by it

Bending as though the

A century had passed in my existence.

Crumbling to the ground

Clutching at it as though touchable.

Though it feels so, it never is

Pain of my own doing

Bigger and Stronger and Fiercer

Than any other

Pain of my intellect

Pain like no other

Deep within

Shhhhhhh

Shhhhhhh….

Secret smiles

Little giggles

Shh

Whispered halo’s

Secret of secrets

Secret lies

Huge frowns

Shhh

Stretched truths

Secrets of all

Secret dreams

Worlds so dark

Shhhh

Mountains unmovable

Secret wishes

Secret longings

Shhhhh

Don’t mention

All that is mine

Secret of secrets

Who am I?

Who am I?

I am black

So I have been told

And I can see

I go to a white school

So they say

So I see

I know nothing about my culture

So they see

So I know

I have a diploma in the white culture

So they see

So I know.

Who am I?

Joseph

JOSEPH

My BASI called me the wrong name yesterday

He never cared much who I was

He commanded and expected submission

I hated the name Joseph

My name is Nkosinathi- the Lord is with us

But silence was also my middle name

Cause poverty was my surname

So my name is Joseph.

For us

For us

Am I strong

To the perils of the world

Am I steadfast

To a love everlasting?

My love called me vulnerable today

Told me once I was strong

But no longer am I.

I thought I had to be strong

Back then

But no longer cause she is there

Am I vulnerable

To her, for her or by her?

Am I soft

To her  touch, her kiss

She said she loved me strong

Said I made her strong

When weak she became weak

“So stay strong my love

Stay strong not only for yourself

But for both us.”

Chest ripped apart

Heart torn out

Soulless pile of flesh

All in a flash

Almost you,

You made me snap…

I have stood proudly and tall

I, a self-proclaimed king

A puppet to your things

Not once did I think

A master puppeteer

Can up and quit